January was the first time that I was in Nepal this year. Everything appeared to be normal, working hard, busy as usual, nice weather in Kathmandu and perfect company. But it turned out to be a bit different this time.

I have rented a house because after almost 8 years living from a suitcase half of the year, I was looking for a more ‘home’ feeling. And that worked out quite nice, a nice house, normal food instead of hotel food and pizza’s and a relaxed environment. Everything looked perfect but that is the moment you should start worrying…

In the Kathmandu office I always start my day with checking the headlines of the news in the rest of the World and especially the Netherlands. Big news, Marco Borsato, a very popular singer in the Netherlands, was hit by a TIA. I knew that was not good but I did not know what it really was. He was on his way for giving a concert when it happened and he was hospitalised. I hoped all the best for him and I started my day. A busy day as I have a lot in Nepal, filled with meetings and discussions. When I went to my house, I was feeling good, the first dinner was prepared for me in my own ‘home’ in Nepal. The cook prepared a typically Nepali dinner and I enjoyed the music coming out of the ghetto blaster with my ipod in it. Marco Borsato was also played and I had to think about how he was in the news that day.

In the middle of the night I woke up as I could not sleep. Probably still a jet leg so I went out of bed, took my iPad and decided to check my mails. In Nepal there is not always electricity, in this period of the year the electricity is shutdown for 14 hours per day…. So the only light was from my iPad and for some reason I touched my foot. At least, I thought it was MY foot. I felt the toes with my fingers but I did not feel MY toes, I was mortified because I felt somebody else his toes. It took 5 seconds to realise that it were MY toes but I had no feeling in there. With my fingers I could feel them but I had no feeling in it. When I went up with my fingers over my leg, there was also no feeling in it. I could have put a knife in it or put boiled water over it and I would not have noticed. So what do you do in the middle of the night? I figured out some nerve must have been blocked so I moved my leg with my hands as I was unable to move it otherwise and moved a bit on the chair. I expected that it would go away in minutes. And so it did, after 15 minutes my feeling was back in my leg and my toes. Pff, that was a strange and bizar experience.

The next morning, Friday, I went to the office and it was a usual day in the office, busy and too short. On Saturday I had to be early in the office because we had to do a huge and risky software migration for a customer. That went very well so when I went back in the evening I was very satisfied. I did not think about the strange experience from Thursday night anymore.

And also the Sunday started good, I expected some problems from the Saturday migration but nothing was reported. The morning started with a cup of tea in my new house on the roof top. I placed it on my Facebook page and we went out for lunch.

Back from lunch I was enjoying the Sunday afternoon with the spectacular view on the Himalayas. And that is where things changed.

I was sending some pictures to a friend in the Netherlands but I could not think of a subtitle with the picture. Simply nothing came in my head. From that part on I only remember half. I tried to talk to my partner but for some reason the words which were in my mind did not came out. My mouth was refusing to speak out my words. Two words came out and then it blocked, I realised something was wrong, seriously wrong. But I could not express it anymore, I was completely frustrated. My partner thought I was angry because I did not talk anymore and I could not explain that I COULD not talk. My left side of my face was not working and a terrible headache was coming up. My eyes could not focus anymore and the headache was unbearable so I went to my bed, without able to explain what and why. Since it started, 40 minutes past already….

After 2,5 hours I came out of bed, still with a terrible headache and still unable to talk in English. So I called a friend in the Netherlands to see if I could talk in Dutch. And I was able to talk in Dutch but very broken Dutch. 3 hours were gone since it started. Slowly I was able to communicate in English and asked my partner to rebook the tickets back to the Netherlands asap. After a lot of calls, to all parts of the world, tickets were arranged for the monday. I was also able to read a bit with 1 eye again and Marco Borsato and his TIA were in my mind. Slowly I figured out that my strange experience of the Thursday was a TIA or mini Stroke. If it is not treated immediately you have a serious risk that it is followed by a CVA or Stroke. With a TIA the disturbance is gone within 20 minutes, if it takes longer than permanent brain damage is a real threat. Thursday it took around 20 minutes, this one was somewhere around 2 to 3 hours…

On tuesday I arrived in the Netherlands and went directly to my doctor. I called her from Nepal already to make make sure she had time for me. My family history is that unluckily 2 of my sisters did not survive brain blooding/attack it was arranged that I went to the hospital immediately. In the hospital it went quick, all kind of equipment was attached to me and in no time test were taken and I got medicines to prevent another incident.

The wednesday I will never forget, after a sleepless night that was a day for more test. In the morning they squeezed me to do all the blood tests. But the worst thing was that I realised my situation. I could not talk properly, my mind was at 25% of its normal capacity and I knew it. I knew that i was slow, that my brainpower was minimised. I could not remember my phone number or zipcode, not make jokes or even think quickly. Worst moment was while I was in the hospital on the neurology section and connected to all kind of equipment. I was thinking of my loved ones and 4 persons in white clothes came in. And I could not figure out it were not my children and my love but doctors. That took some time before that became clear to me. They told me that I had to be aware of my situation and that it might not recover. Because the second attack took around 2 hours they were afraid of permanent brain damage. That is were my complete world collapsed. In that condition I could forget my work, not tell my loved ones what my feelings are for them, forget about my photography, my future plans and dreams. A normal conversation was already too difficult. And suddenly you are there, 50 years old, worked my ass off all of my live and at the moment you think that you are doing well you have this. Shit.

I cried and cried, this was so unfair. This could not happen to me after all those years and all my sacrifices. And I could not even express it normally anymore. Being so upset my blood pressure went up sky-high. The planned MRI scan at 2pm was not possible with such a high pressure. I managed to cool down a bit and I was picked up for the scan. Before the scan they ask you all kind of questions like if you have a pacemaker or other metal parts as that will be destroyed during the scan. You have to sign that paper, but I could not write anymore. The coordination between my brain and my hand was disturbed. A kind of cross was the most what I could do.

When I went into the scanner, they connected a special liquid to my drip. A cold liquid went into my blood and I could feel it flood into my body. The MRI scan took around 30 minutes and in that time a kind of miracle happend. When I was out of the scanner I could feel immediately the huge difference in my condition compared to the moment I went into the scanner. I felt like somebody started the 3 other engines in my head again. I have no clue how. But a change it was. Maybe because of the flushing of the liquid through my veins, the adrenaline of going into that scanner or the shaking of my head in the scanner but something was changed. And I was happy with it!

Back at the neurology section I was so different and so unbelievable much better than when I left there 1,5 hour earlier. A friend of mine said that I had my two lost sisters as angels on my shoulder in the scanner and I would like to believe that. I am extremely lucky to get out of this roller-coaster this way. This could have ended in a completely different way.

Now 6 weeks later and 8 kg lighter I am recovered for 99%, back to work and going to Nepal again. More focused and driven than ever but no time to waste anymore. But with a different look at life and keen on making the most out of every day.

And Marco Borsato? Curious how his new album will sound.

– Frank.

A different person but still the same.